somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
