I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
