Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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