i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
