I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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