I think my fart just growled at me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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