Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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