and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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