So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am naked and annoyed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
