i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
