I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
