Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's rum buckets o'clock
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
