Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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