Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
