I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
