Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
