Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
