I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
