Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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