I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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