My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
