Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
