Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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