I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
