i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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