Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
