All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
