i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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