i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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