Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
