I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
