Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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