we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
