does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
