Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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