he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
