mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
