I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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