She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
