I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
