I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
