a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
