On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
