69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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