Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
