sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
