last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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