got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She even gives head with a lisp.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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