His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
