A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
