Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
