I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
