I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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