dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
