so explain again why im purple
no
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
