it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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